LONDON LETTER: No monarch gong upsets Beckham

Whenever a celebrity falls off their perch, there’s usually someone around who will say, ‘I always knew he/she had shifty eyes.’

I’m often one of them, I sadly have to admit. But in the case of wannabe ‘Sir’ David Beckham, I was right for a change

For those not familiar with the latest ‘Beckileaks’ scandal, the football icon has been revealed through a series of hacked emails as a backstabber who would knife anyone to get himself knighted.

‘Sir’ was the title he craved most – far more than mere Becks or Golden Balls.

I’ve always thought Beckham was an average footballer, but as I know nothing about football, I kept quiet.

The only thing I did concede was that he kicked a ball better than his wife Posh Spice sang.

The ‘aha’ moment for me that Beckham was a little loopy was when his son was born and he said he ‘wasn’t sure into what religion’ the baby would be Christened.

When I stopped laughing, I actually felt quite sad. That said everything you need to know about modern metro families. They are so busy believing they are cool that they believe in nothing else.

But I suppose it made sense. A Christening is possibly the most sacred Christian ritual, but for the hipsters, it’s just a word.

Maybe Posh and Becks could also later hold a bang-on Buddhist bar mitzvah into the faith of political correctness.

However, it has now turned out that Beckham does have a religion. It’s called Beckhamism.

Thanks to aforementioned email hackers, his gargantuan sense of self-worth and entitlement has been exposed to the bone.

For him, being called Sir David is no less adulation than he deserves.

The easiest way to get honoured in Britain is to ‘do good works’. So over the past decade, Beckham has made sure of being photographed for every fashionable cause. This implied that he was not only a humble bloke, but a caring one.

Except that’s not what his emails have revealed. It seems that he’s very good at getting others to part with their cash as long as he doesn’t have to pony up his own.

He charged first-class air fares for ‘charitable appearances’ and scheduled them to ensure he would not have to pay UK rates of income tax.

Self-homage

The inference is that Beckham’s main cause was self-homage, not philanthropy.

All this backfired when the honours committee discovered that Beckham’s taxes were possibly not as squeaky clean as they could be.

So when the list was made public, there was no ‘Sir’ David Beckham.

The entire world now knows that Becks spat his dummy out of the crib big time.

And if you, like me, thought he was not the most articulate guy, you are mistaken.

His use of swearwords takes cursing to new heights of eloquence.

Even worse, he also sent off an expletive-riddled missive to his PR agent asking why Welsh soprano Katherine Jenkins had been award a Queen’s honour.

‘What has she ever done?’ he ranted, albeit in slightly more colourful language.

Okay, I don’t know either, apart from the fact that she sings better than Beck’s wife.

And that sums it up. For me, the most unedifying aspect of the Queen’s Honours Awards is seeing celebs who claim to scorn ‘elitism’ elbowing each other out the way to get gongs from the monarch.

Take Bob Geldof, who allegedly disdains royalty and privilege, but still fell over himself to get an honorary knighthood, as he’s an Irishman so technically not eligible.

Or Mick Jagger. Much as I like the Stones, Sir Mick is hardly your average Sir Galahad, particularly as today he’s a walking geriatric paternity suit.

The irony of ‘Beckileaks’ is that they appeared at the same time that a petition was circling to award a knighthood to a genuine hero, George ‘Johnny’ Johnson, the last surviving Dam Buster.

Those guys flew a mission impossible during the Second World War against the most horrendous odds imaginable. The fact that Johnson has not been knighted is a scandal.

I have just signed the petition. Believe me, I will not do the same for Becks.

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